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Q-13: Venerable Sir, recently, I met a mother of an autistic son. She was very worried and as a mother she suffers more than her son. She would like to help him by ordaining herself into Buddhism for certain days as advised by one of her friends. She thinks that both mother, i.e. herself and son had very bad Karma which put them in this situation today. Therefore, she wishes to be a nun for a few days and transfer merit to her son. The Question is: Will this transfer of merit help her son?

Respectfully,

Han Tun

A-13: It is believed that they are in this situation due to their bad kamma. The mother’s ordination will be a good kamma if she conducts herself properly as an ordained nun. This is her own kamma which will hopefully bring her  better things. Her son can also enjoy the  benefits of her merit. It is clear that if she gets better things as the benefits of her merit, her ordination, these (better things) can be shared with her son. In this regard it is better to say ‘sharing the benefits of merit’ than saying ‘transfering merit.’

I don't know how she will  transfer her merit to her son. In Theravada Buddhism transfering of merit itself is a way of making merit. And this act is also called sharing merit. In particular, today’s Buddhists perform dana or giving in charity for the benefits of their departed relatives. They usually offer venerable monks material offerings like alms-food and robes. After making offerings, the merit is shared with or transferred to the departed ones. This practice  includes mainly three meritorious actions, namely: giving in charity (dana), sharing or transferring merit (pattidana), and rejoicing in merit (pattanumodana).

Buddhaghosa Thera, when he comments on Tirokutta Sutta of Khaddaka-patha, gives three factors for a beneficial way of transferring merit to the departed ones:

-     departed ones rejoice in the merit done by living people (petananhi attano anumodanena)

-     departed ones are dedicated (dayakanam uddissena)

-     those who receive the donation are noble (dakkhineyya sampadaya) (Verses 5 and 6)

Briefly, it is understood that the departed ones will benefit only if they can rejoice in the merit accrued by those living  and dedicating it to the departed ones.

According to Theravada Buddhism merit can  neither be directly transferred to others nor shared with others without them rejoicing in it. We must make or generate our merit by ourselves. Thus the Buddha taught in Dhammapada that one is one’s own refuge, no one can be the refuge of another. The departed ones must rejoice in others’ merit so they can attain a better life even when they are reborn in a lower life like that of the hungry ghosts (peta). Now it should be noted that the act of rejoicing in other’s merit is a good kamma done by the departed ones.

In this regard, living people can also rejoice in others’ merit. Actually it is more meaningful to rejoice in another’s meritorious deed while we are living than to hope for a chance to rejoice in the merit of others, after our death. And it is the best to generate our own good kamma ourselves.

As I said at the beginning, the ordination of your friend is her own good kamma. And her son will also be making his own good kamma if he can rejoice in his mother’s ordination. Moreover they can do other kinds of merits such as giving in charity (dana), practising morality (sila) and meditating (bhavana). It is believed that their merits will bring happiness to them. Finally I recommend that your friend should try, directly or indirectly, her best to let and encourage her son to generate his own kamma by himself. This should be her first priority. This is better than transferring her merit to her son.

With Metta,

Ashin Acara

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Dhamma Questions are answered by Bhante U Cittara, resident monk of Mangala Vihara, and his assistant monks. Questions and comments on given answers are welcome. Send your questions and comments to resident_monk@mangalavihara.org.sg.